As I began to collect my thoughts on what I would write for this first No Wedding, No Womb campaign to address the rampant rate of out of wedlock births in the African American community it occurred to me that the situation has morphed into a new dimension of Black-On-Black crime. No more lynch mobs performing murder and mayhem on us for public entertainment. No, we’re way past the culture of the Roman Coliseum in America. In contemporary society we are breeding our own guaranteed generational curse (it actually isn’t that when you’re intentionally doing it to yourself) simply by living our lives out of order. The culture of “doing what I wanna do” has wrecked the Black community in America and we are darn near the point of no return in a collective sense.

Our lack of collective discipline has spiraled out of control and the consequences – a word no one wants to deal with – have devastated us. Everybody wants their right to live how they want to live but they don’t want the consequences. Talk about collective immaturity. When did the teaching of standard morals go out of vogue?

Think about it. How is it that in less than 50 years the Black community has gone from following and believing in the traditional model of a married father and mother as the core of a family to today’s utter failure of made-up and redefined family structuring? How has it become so normal that people regard with disdain the mere suggestion that they should choose marriage over shacking? Used to be that shacking was equated to shame. And now, waiting before mating and home making is the crazy idea?

Whenever and however it happened we totally bought into the thing that destroys us. We are so easily attracted to the things of no lasting value that endanger our children and which will guarantee our doom. An even greater shame is we have no concern for the historic perspective on what “better” was in the past for our people. Perhaps Jim Crow’s impact on our psyche was more thorough than we thought. Something has convinced a critical mass of us that nothing from previous generations was good for us. We’ve thrown the baby, the bath water and the whole damn tub out the door.

But how do we turn it around? It definitely isn’t by government intervention. Lord knows, it’s the system that enabled the current African American social catastrophe. How so? By directly encouraging the breakdown of two parent households that had begun to elevate the Black family to a point of stability into single female led homes as justification for welfare benefits.

Those of you old enough to remember the first days of public housing recall that it was a harbinger of hope and in many cases a tool for upward mobility towards independence for households. The projects were a temporary place to move from, not to live in generationally. I’ve been told that they were filled with stable, intact families, merely suffering the socio-economic shortcomings of unemployment or underemployment and maybe some educational shortfalls that were holding them back. But typically, the Black mom and dad were there.

Well thanks to welfare agents “a man should be working, not be given a hand out” thinking the government helped do in the poor masses. How so you ask? The reaction of many people over time was to work the system by having that unemployed father to move out for a while so that his family could be fed. The absence of more and more fathers from homes and from the neighborhood became such a habit that in due time it led to the notion that men weren’t needed to raise the children. In modern times the mentality has stuck like catastrophic social glue.

Unfortunately that trend has spread way beyond public housing. Add to that mix a failing educational system and generations of parents who don’t send their children to school ready to respect authority and ready to learn and we have a self perpetuating system of social failure that has manifest itself – quite logically – into higher rates of crime and out of wedlock births. Natural consequences. There’s that word we hate again.

What has it done for Black children? Nothing good. Who can change it? Not the government. Although federal social policy is a major part of the problem, I have no faith in it as solution. Who can change it? Not somebody, but us. Somebody is you and me, and there’s a heck of a lot we can do. What can we do? Quite simply, change the way we live and put ourselves in a position to give our children the families they deserve. Families that can protect them, properly rear them and prepare them for the world. It’s about proper lifestyles and those are created by proper habits.

Radical problems call for radical solutions though. I have a few thoughts on the matter. Try a few of these tough love turn around suggestions.

·    For you Black dads who have been loose cannon sperm donors up to this point in your lives, start being actual fathers. Your young and impressionable children are craving your attention. Take advantage of if while they still have the natural love in their hearts for you. There is a point when they will stop thinking of you and maybe even start hating you.

·    There are certain life lessons only a father can teach. Your daughters need to learn what a good man is (from your example) in order to distinguish between worthy men and creeps. Your sons need to learn how to be men (something they can only learn from other men, not women) so step up. Yes sir. Both of those things are YOUR job daddy.

·    Bitter moms, who weren’t wise enough to know you slept with the wrong guy, get over yourselves. So what that you gave it up to someone who wasn’t committed to you. Fine. But let him be the father if he is one of those who are committed to THAT role. If he’s ready to establish his rightful relationship with his offspring then put your selfish, hurt feelings to the side and allow your children to have what they deserve – two parents. It ain’t about you anymore so get over it.

·    Current parents of young kids, teens and young adults, we have to be more blunt, direct, and consistent about the expectations we have of our children’s moral behavior. In fact allow me to add a foreign word to your family vocabulary…ABSTINENCE. Tell your sons if they are not going to the bathroom to use the toilet or to wash their bodies then they need to keep their penises in their pants (No Wedding, No Womb). Encourage your daughters not to fall for the foolish emotions of their young hearts and the persuasive tongue of that young man who hasn’t put a ring on her finger first. Unless she’s going to the bathroom to use the toilet or wash her body she needs to keep her legs closed and her panties pulled up (No Wedding, No Womb).

·    Current unwed mothers and fathers let the last baby be your last baby until you get married. Be a better example going forward than you were in the past. Same rules for you as the young kids. Keep your penis in your pants or keep your panties pulled up (No Wedding, No Womb).

·    Ladies hear this from a man and hear it clearly. You are in total control. A man won’t do anything you don’t allow and we will try everything in the book to convince you to allow a lot of stupid. Simply check it and don’t allow it (No Wedding, No Womb).
(By the way, if the above pointers on abstinence make you cringe or seem unrealistic then consider the fact that it’s the only guaranteed form of birth control and sexual disease avoidance in human history. Just throwing that out there for your consideration.)

Finally history shows us that discombobulated families are the first sign of destruction for any civilization. Although we are well on our way our fate isn’t necessarily sealed. No situation in life is ever totally hopeless. Not even socially entrenched problems like a rampant out-of-wedlock birth rate. Well it’s our time and a grass roots style cultural change is how we go about changing it. Everything is about behavioral change, the way we live. So do that. Change the way you live. Ladies, start telling the guys “No Wedding, No Womb” and we’ll be well on our way to turning this thing around.