I’m sure I’ve written on this subject before but a real world and Facebook friend’s comment on her wall today has me thinking about the state of American manliness once again. I fear the current condition is directly related to slovenly attitudes about dress styles etc. but I’ve already worn that subject out (saggers with matching underwear that they consider a style) and I’ll keep this discussion elevated to plane of higher principle.
My curiosity on the issue led me to search for what other bloggers have written on the matter and I found a couple of pretty good ones. Darryl James has some really good thoughts in this March 2nd post on the Black Men In America blog covering the original definition of chivalry in Middle Ages Europe to modern day perceptions that are varied within American culture.
And this video from YourTango, Smart Talk About Love, five guys take a few minutes to talk about the impact of boys lack of exposure to chivalrous training and girls lack of exposure to chivalrous behavior as the culprits. They figure those are some of the reasons that, not only is chivalry being practiced less by young men, but is also why many women don’t expect it and sometimes react to it in surprised or suspicious fashion.
These posts are representative of how the concept has evolved over time due to changing societal norms. Some of the bad habits have become so entrenched that they are affecting relationships in an unnecessarily negative way. Men and women are confused on both ends because the practice is exhibited too infrequently as a normal and expected behavior. Well if you haven’t figured it out yet I think a serious change is due. One that will not only improve the state of gender relationships but common decency and neighborliness as well.
So fellas I charge you with a series of tasks for the second half of 2010. Starting today, offer a lady your seat where ever you are when none are available. Bus, train, church, office, doesn’t matter. Depending on the part of the country where you live – specifically anywhere outside the southeast – really shock people and start using mam and sir in your responses to people more senior in age than you. Nothing will set you apart from the average guy more quickly. Open doors for the ladies and girls. Here’s another big one. Watch your mouth around women and girls. Set a better example of manliness by not cursing if front of them in your normal conversation. Teach your sons all of these things by intention and by habit.
Don’t worry about the occasional negative reaction. If a particular lady can’t appreciate the gesture just continue in the positive.
Ladies, I’m not going to leave you out. A few changes for your task list include accepting chivalrous behavior and teaching your daughters to accept it as well. Find ways to expose your sons to men who are good examples, be they friends, neighbors, family or organizational leaders of any number of youth programs. You as women can talk about these principles but only we men can demonstrate and groom the behavior. And watch your tongues in public as well. Many of you don’t sound any different than guys. It only encourages the attraction of that kind of guy. Just sayin’.
I’m convinced that lax cultural mores aren’t beyond repair. Any situation can be turned around but like most significant things, they start on a small scale with individuals like us. So let’s start to make that change today, jump start a collective surge and watch the impact it makes in due time.
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