My old school mate Stace Darden always poses great thought provoking questions on his facebook profile. One day last week he asked what were the things that make you go hummm? I saw that commercial the other day where some crustacean-looking crime fighter comments on the fact that they work pro-bono. But why would they do that? I’m pondering with my behind-the-scenes thinking cap on this one. Aren’t you? Don’t you want to know what’s up like I do?
Let’s noodle out some thoughts and possibilities. The overwhelming majority of super heroes are not billionaire industrialists like Bruce Wayne, aka Batman and Tony Stark, aka Iron Man. These guys can fund their own righteous vigilantism. But wealthy as they are, they are just regular guys with cool tools. They don’t have mutant powers, they have outstanding weapons and in the case of the Dynamic Duo, great acrobatic and martial arts talents to boot.
So in essence they can break their bones, sustain concussions and get serious organ damage going up against some of the wacko’s they face right? For Batman and Robin’s case in particular Arkham Asylum has a few resident doozies that always keep them occupied. Since he’s a smart rich guy we can probably assume that Bruce Wayne has serious disability and life insurance policies for him and Dick Grayson. He likely has serious estate planning too. And what about their legacies? If they die in action are their estate documents voided? Hummmm. Who unmasks their alter egos so that their estates can be properly identified and probated? Hummm again. I’m just sayin’. It’s something you hope these guys have thought about.
And what about Peter Parker, a poor super guy? He gets static and chump change for taking the best action pictures in New York. You know he’s never going to get paparazzi money from J. Jonah Jameson. If anybody needs a monetized web site it’s Spidey. He’s kickin’ butt, keeping the streets clean and nobody appreciates it. And even if he could open a bank account with a made up name and no way to perform identity verification how would the check be made out or how would the electronic transfer be performed without the payer feeling they been scammed and had by a fraud? Man these people have it rough.
Now the Super Friends had the right idea. They had the Justice League and they had a headquarters, the Hall of Justice. The government was looking out for those guys. And since super heroes kind of fall into the category of commandos and soldiers of fortune we’re probably not allowed to know much more without risking national security.
And the X-Men have Professor Charles Xavier. Their super secret hide out is masked as a school for “gifted youngsters”. Good cover. And since he’s ridiculously super-mental there’s no telling what kind of connections he has to fund his programs. I don’t think even John Ashcroft would want to bother Professor X with an audit on how Cerebro and the Danger Room were funded and constructed.
The Fantastic Four had Reid Richards as the brilliant researcher. The National Science Foundation and other academic agencies are always endowing money to good grant writers who get results in the lab especially if their research regularly results in tools and uses for the betterment of mankind so he just made a great career choice. I assume his home university and Uncle Sam have him and the team covered.
But what about Dare Devil, The Avengers, Hulk, Plastic Man and many others? The Wonder Twins are aliens. But then again so is SuperMan. Yeah, the purple hued siblings and primate are covered under the Hall of Justice plan.
Of course it is possible that I’m simply thinking too hard on this one. Perhaps serving the greater good and risking personal sacrifice for good over evil is sufficient compensation for these guys. I imagine if you have laser beam eye sockets and super healing muscle cells, super arrows, hammers and rings, or if you can manipulate natural phenomena of all sorts then there are very likely any number of philanthropic types who know how to secretly hook you up with finances and resources. Maybe, just maybe, truth, justice and Olympic calibre leaping, kicking and punching strength are a package significant enough in their own right.
