I love dealing with the subject of the submissive wife because it’s such a hotly contested subject. Unfortunately it is so pitifully misunderstood and misinterpreted that it’s almost comical. And it would be just that if not for the impact the ignorance of the subject has on real people and real families.
You can tell people haven’t actually studied up on it when you have personal conversations with women or hear talk shows with women calling in to say they aren’t going to subjugate or reduce themselves to being a man’s servant or men’s slaves in general. That is not the point at all and shows a historic lack of knowledge by men and women on the matter through time. So how about we give some clarity and eliminate the ignorance and unnecessary volatility on the matter?
The most commonly referred to set of scripture on the subject is the fifth chapter of Ephesians in the new testament. Guess what ladies AND gentlemen? There’s nothing lopsided about the issue. In fact there is a section in the chapter for women and an equally important section for men. They cover different aspects (notice the title of the post) but part A and part B clearly explain the duties of the husband and wife to each other – not to the world, to each other.
There is no browbeating or door mat treatment involved. Notice the loving Christlike relationship that is prescribed in the following verses. First, realize that the analogy isn’t just a prescription for a proper marriage relationship but it also illustrates our relationship with Jesus.
Verses 22 – 24 not only explains that a wife should submit herself to her OWN husband but also introduces the spiritual nature of his role. Take a read:
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
It doesn’t end there. Fellas, in turn, verse 25 continues with how we are to relate to our wives – not all women – and the verses 28 and 29 tell us why that is so.
25 Husbands, love your wives. Even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.
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.28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishesth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.
Verse 32 shows the ultimate spiritual nature of the previous text of chapter 5 and 33 summarizes both roles.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Although we get hung up on the modern definition of submission notice that the proper scope of things to be lived in our marriage lives is to mirror the Love of the Lord, our submission to Him and our reverence of Him. That’s part of the great mystery that Paul speaks of – there’s much more to it – but we can at least keep that much in proper context.
For those of you who aren’t Christians, I encourage you to get a copy of the Holy Bible and read the chapter in it’s entirety. Don’t cheat with a Bible web page. Get the physical text in your hands as a ready reference. This way you won’t be one of those giving a false impressions about how the Bible subjugates people (you know who you are).
For my Christian friends who’ve been slacking, do the same because it is commanded of you to be Biblicaly literate . This will keep you from being a week witness. Nothing more damaging to the faith than an ineffective believer who can’t defend it with scripture. When people try to put the “judgmental”, “hypocrite”, “all religions are basically the same” Christian guilt trips and lies on you, you will be able to counter with facts.
Blessed Sunday to you all and if you get a chance, share your favorite Sunday school and sermon lessons with us later today.
I neglected to include the verse that initiates the dual perspective of this scripture.
21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
Martin, you are a brave one to address this subject.
A few years ago, I wrote on this subject on a Christian website. Some women attacked me as soon as they saw the word “submit”. But I expected that. LOL
Seriously, continue to encourage people to study the Bible for themselves.
No matter what “the world” thinks, this topic is always relevant.
Thanks Deb. And as you say, information is everything.
My hope, and I bet it’s yours too, is that if more people read it and realize the duality of the subject there will be fewer automatic attack reactions.
Good hearing from you.
Uncle, that was the most awesome presentation of the real issue at hand! The issue isn’t whether the people in question should embrace their roles before God, but whether people actually have taken the time to know what those roles are! People hate God so much, they don’t even give Him a chance to bless their lives. It really is sad.
Glad you got something out of Josh. Maybe you can share a tid bit with some of the folks you encounter each day.
I am naturally submissive but my boyfriend crams it down my throat and now I’m very resentful of the concept. I REALLY struggle with this b/c he is extremely controlling and demands VERY unhealthy behaviors of me based on his extreme jealousy…and our counselor has said not to give into the unhealthy behaviors. So, then my boyfriend says I’m not submissive- as if all the other times I am don’t count. Anyway, I really have NO idea how to submit to an unhealthy controlling man and how to keep any dignity in the process, or lose the relationship. Help.
Hi Connie. That’s definitely a sign of an unhealthy relationship. You’ll want to remember this as well. What a boyfriend (or girlfriend) is currently is what they will generally translate into as a spouse.
The scripture is in reference to spouses particularly so your relationship now is an indication of what it will be going forward. It indicates a balance of responsibilities from both parties so your counselor’s advice should be considered seriously.
I don’t know your situation of course but consider your relationship in light of this.