This post is my first speech from the Toastmasters International Humorously Speaking manual. It’s the second of my ten to reach the Advance Bronze designation. I switched manuals - from Speaking on Television - because I needed a change of pace. The humor manual requires short 5-7 minute speaches. The TV manual requires 15-20 minute efforts. I’ll get back to that one at the end so I can blow through this book. Anyway, I started out parental on this first speech. Read and enjoy.

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Daddy, guess what?

What babe?

I’m not going to tell you what we bought you at Wal-Mart.

Shh! You’re not supposed to tell him girl!

I said I’m not going to say what I’m not supposed to tell him.

Now he knows.

No he doesn’t

Yes he does!

No he doesn’t!

Does too!

Does not!

Remind you of your kids when they were four and seven?

Such is the method of learning to keep a secret. And it’s not an easily attained skill. Knowing this universal truth got me to thinking about an idea. I have always wanted to try out my own version of what I will call secrecy branding. Who can you trust with a secret and who can you not? Having been a lone wolf by nature most of my life I have rarely had anything become widely known before I wanted it to be revealed.

Madame Toastmaster, fellow Toastmasters and guests, when your business hits the streets before you intend it to, that’s a bad thing. There are times when you’re ready to exclaim it to the world and you can’t get anybody to repeat it for you. Suddenly the grapevine withers and dries up. But for those times when you want it to simply stay where it is I have what I believe to be a fool proof method of distinguishing between your friends who can keep a secret and the “loose lips sink ships” crowd.

So, how do you make the distinction between the two? By testing your friends on purpose. Think of something personal and harmless, tell it to five people in private and see if it gets back to you. Eventually you will be able to tie it back to the person or people who blabbed. You can still be friends because your news was harmless by design. Just remember not to tell anything that is actually important down the road. You don’t want any personally damaging information to start spreading. You also don’t want to mess up the timing of future events if something is revealed too soon. Many a promotion has been lost and many early and unplanned retirements have been initiated because of this.

On the other hand, when you find out who the blabbermouths are keep them in mind for the things that need to be advertised quick, fast and in a hurry. Are you starting a new business? Tell them. They can create business traffic for you. Ask any business owner. Word of mouth is the lifeblood of any business. You need people constantly referring to you as the go–to person for whatever goods and services you sell.

Do you have a new project at work that needs some internal PR around the office? Definitely tell them. It will help your name to be heard more consistently by your bosses. In case you didn’t know, no one gets promoted just because of his or her efforts. Your work doesn’t get noticed just because you do it well. And trust me it does not advertise itself. So you have to schmooze and do it well. So be sure to groom your own personal schmooze crew.

Running for public office? Absolutely tell them. They will get the word going on the grass roots grapevine better than any print or broadcast advertising. Every candidate needs believers to blow the trumpet for their political bandwagon. Yes, strike up the band indeed. You can’t possibly form relationships with all potential voters but your supporters can certainly expand that range.

And what is the point of each of these examples? That your tight-lipped friends can’t help you here because they don’t talk enough (LOL!).

Seriously though, in the end it’s all about using good judgment. Our friends mean well but we can’t tell them everything. Sometimes their good intentions can lead to total disaster. So be wise about what you reveal, when you release it and whom you tell. Not only will this help you avoid asking the inevitable “How did you find out?” of “Who told you?” but you will also be better able to protect your interests and make sure your boat stays afloat.